The missing Cock

The missing Cock

Pastor keeps chickens in the Church premises, one evening a Cock went missing.

In Church the next day the Pastor asked "who has a cock?"
 All the men got up.
 "No, I mean who has seen a cock?" the pastor said.
All the women got up.
"No, no, I meant who has seen a cock that isn't theirs?", the pastor said impatiently.
Half of the women got up.
"Oh for goodness sake!! Who has seen my cock???" the pastor shouted.
All the Choir girls got up!.....halleluyah!!

Little boy's prayer

Little boy's prayer

At dinner, a little boy offered to lead in prayer.
"Dear Lord," he started, "Forgive our neighbor's son, who removed my sisters clothes and wrestled with her on her bed and made her cry."

"This coming winter," he continued, ignorant of all the stares he was receiving,"Please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my dad's blackberry and provide shelter for the homeless men who use mom's room when daddy is at work"

...AMEN!.... and there was silence.

The Hunter

The Hunter

A 90 yr old man goes to a doctor.
He said:"Doctor, my 28yr old wife is pregnant, what's your opinion?"

Doctor replies: "Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry grabs an umbrella instead of his hunting rifle. He moves into the jungle, sees a lion, lifts the umbrella pulls the handle and....BANG!!!...d lion drops dead!"

Old man exclaims: "That's impossible! Someone else must have shot the lion."

Doctor: "EXACTLY MY OPINION."

Akpos the house help

Akpos the house help, entered Madam’s room without knocking.

MADAM: Akpos, this is wrong, what if I was Unclad or dressing up?
AKPOS: That can never happen, madam.
MADAM: How can you be so sure?
AKPOS: I always peep first and if you are Unclad, I’ll just wait and watch until
you have dressed up before I enter.
Akpos is currently in the emergency room of a general hospital

Akpos just got a job

Akpos just got a job as a porter in a five star hotel in Abuja.
The manager told him “In here we give every customer personalized services and you have to be very observant so you know how to address their every need even before they ask.”

Before the manager could finish, a couple walked through the hotel entrance and the manager quickly
approached them, nicely took their baggage and said,
“Welcome Mr & Mrs James, it is our delight to have you in our hotel. Please come this way to the reception” and he led them to the reception.

A husband comes home from church

A husband comes home from Church, greets his wife, lifts her up and carries her around the house. The wife is was
surprised and excited! She asked with smiles, “Did the Pastor preach on being romantic?” Out of breath the husband replies, “No, he said we must carry our burdens…”
Wife lands him a thunderous slap

An American lawyer and a Nigerian

An American lawyer and a Nigerian are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer is thinking that Nigerians are so dumb that he can fool them easily..,....,. so the lawyer asks if the naija guy would like to play a fun game. The nigerian is tired and just wants to rest, so he politely declines and tries to catch some sleep. The lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun "I ask u a question and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only 5dollars; you ask me one and if I dont know the answer, I will pay u $500. 
As naija no be dull guys naau, this catches the nigerian's attention and to keep d lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks d 1st question "what's the distance from earth to the moon? 
The naija guy doesn't say a word, reaches in his pocket pulls out 5dollars the hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the omo naija turn. He ask the lawyer, "what goes up a mountain with 3 legs and comes down with four?
The lawyer uses his laptop, searches the internet and even the Library of Congress. He sends emails to all his smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After 1 hour of futile searching, he finally gives up. He wakes the naija guy and hands him $500. The nigerian pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going crazy not knowing the answer. 

So he wakes the naija guy up the asks, "well, so what goes up a mountain with 3 legs and comes down with four? The nigerian reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer 5dollars and goes back to sleep.

A man fainted outside Mr. Biggs (an eatery).

A man fainted outside Mr. Biggs (an eatery). Soon a crowd gathered around him and someone suggested,
“Give him some water, it will help.” Hearing this, the man opened one eye and said, “Commot from here, if na water I wan drink, I for go faint for DAM na.
……..

My new bicycle has been stolen.

AKPOS: My new bicycle has been
stolen.
POLICE: When did u notice?
AKPOS: This morning
POLICE: Do you have a suspect?
AKPOS: Yes,my mum and dad.
POLICE: why do u suspect them?
AKPOS: yesterday at midnight i heard
mum say make it stand well so I can
seat on it very well ”and dad said
”climb up fast before it falls .and mum
said ”push slowly slowly dont hurt
me……
.police hahaha o boy na senior
bicycle be that ooo

A man went on a night out with his friends

A man went on a night out with his
friends the wife is furious and tells
the kids that when he comes back
they must not open the door for him.

At about12 o’clock the man comes
back and knocks…
the Wife tells him “go sleep where your
coming from ” and the man
answered” I’m not here to sleep my
dear , I’m here to collect condoms in
my room on top of the table or give it
to me, there’r lots of women at the party!”

The wife opened the door and dragz him inside. sayin
“eediortt” you are not going anywhere enter now. me sef neva satisfied.
She locked d door